Lesson 4: Desire and the Now

In the first lesson of this module we talked about the tendency to equate abundance with specific ideas of form: of having more money, a better body, or a specific type of relationship. We talked about how when we do this, we associate ourselves with the idea of lack and the idea that the form we desire is not apparent to us in the current environment.

In this lesson I want to get into the relationship of how that desire — and our attitudes about desire — impacts our position on the Now-moment.

It’s important to understand that desire is a form of energy, and in this Now-moment you are always experiencing energy. When you connect the two, and associate desire with desire being present right now, you gain control over the ability to experience anything you want.

Perhaps the most important side effect of focusing on the lack of things in your environment is that it forces your energy outside of the current moment, when instead you want to focus more completely in the current moment.

When we focus on lack — seeing things that aren’t there that we wish were there, or vice versa — we decide we need to take certain actions that we don’t really want to take. We abandon our joy. We abandon the natural abundance that is already within us, in order to try to achieve some future state.

In other words, we abandon joy for the promise of it in the future. We abandon control over our own energy because we think it will be available to us later.

Contingent Happiness

In Western culture we have a very deeply engrained habit of making happiness contingent on certain outcomes or certain goals. We decide that until we have that better house or better car or better body, we can’t be happy. We don’t allow ourselves to experience real joy.

Even worse, is that often once we achieve the thing we set out for, we immediately set another goal beyond it, and push our happiness back further. Our happiness is always behind the achievement or attainment of that “next best thing.”

This approach is completely backwards. There is lots of data that when we prioritize happiness first, the goal sought is achieved more easily.

Furthermore, over time this approach of delaying happiness creates a negative psychological association with the act of desire, because we start to associate the things that we want only with the absence of them and the struggle it takes to get there.

The pure, natural state of exuberant, joyful desire yields to feelings of expectation and disappointment and we unconsciously begin to associate the act of wanting things with the disappointment and the unhappiness that we have when we focus on lack. Thus, by focusing on lack, we block ourselves from abundance and we block ourselves from joy.

Stepping into Pure Desire

Fortunately, there’s a really easy way to fix this problem, because the problem is just a matter of focus.

All that you whenever you feel negative associations with your desire — whenever you are focused on the apparent lack of a desire that you want — is shift your focus back towards the desire itself. Whenever you feel yourself in a negative statement, try to remember to take a step back and refocus on what you want. Focus on why you want the desire, on how incredible it is, how joyful you are as you move towards that desire, etc.

The more you can bring your focus in this moment to the act of attaining that desire, to the motion towards the desire, the more easily you can associate that desire with joy, and the more quickly it’ll move into your current experience.

Exercise: Remembering True Desire

The good news is that when we focus on our perspective it becomes really easy to turn these abstract concepts into a practical exercises. The next time you feel triggered or stressed, or are focused on the absence of your desire rather than moving towards your desire, the first step is always just to take a step back. Take a moment to notice your breath. Get out of being involved in that situation and reset your energy. Many of the techniques we’ve looked at thus far can help you with this step.

The second step is to notice what’s frustrating you. Draw your attention to whatever desire you hold in relation to that circumstance. Try to notice if what’s really frustrating you is the apparent lack of your desire in that moment.

Then, remind yourself that every desire has at its essence a state of being, an emotion. Remember the feeling that is associated with the desire that you want in that circumstance, and take the time to try to feel into that emotional state.

As you begin to focus more and more on that feeling, remind yourself that it is always the motion towards that you’re after. The physical circumstance is a symbol. Bring your attention back to the energy. Focus on the movement, the process, of moving in to that state of emotion that you’d prefer to feel in that circumstance.

Finally, recognize that you are already experiencing this desire. As you bring your focus towards the motion, the movement of your energy from one state to another — moving from a state that you don’t prefer to a state that you do prefer — you are experiencing the energy of the desire. So long as you keep yourself in that state of experiencing the energy of the desire, it will come about in the physical world.